Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
