So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
