it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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