Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
