So gin and wine won't be happening again
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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