I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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