well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
