if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
