So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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