I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
