When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
