the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
