WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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