Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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