The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
