he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
