The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
