I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
