My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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