Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
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