Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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