just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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