Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
