and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
