I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she told me i tasted like america
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
