But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
