Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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