its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
