If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
