He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
