I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
