No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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