I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
