I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
