Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
