Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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