dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry about my life...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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