When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
