I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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