We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
