In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
