OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
