You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
