Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize