My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
