Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
