got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
