you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
