if i can run in heels then i can drive
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
