U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
