Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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