remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
