By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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