he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
