We won't sleep together?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
