Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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