You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
