What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
