3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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