I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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