You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
