Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I want is dick and wine.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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