we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
