I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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