i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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