You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
