I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i came on her dog
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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