Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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