Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
