im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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