did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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