is your mom at the bar?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
