4 words: hood of his car
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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