the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize