People with herpes should wear stickers.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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