all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
