I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
