I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
