This girl is more easily done than said...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
