i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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