it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
