R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
