His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
