Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
