you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
