i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
