everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize