Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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